Lexington Steele Streams Every Ford
“Nice to have you over to the spot,” says Lexington Steele, in a nod to a growing list of Things I’ll Never Say.
Month: July 2013
Jenna Presley Finds Jesus, Jesus-related Jewelry, in Post-porn Life
Presley has joined a growing group of former porn stars who have become born-again Christians through the efforts of in-house porn reclamation teams at startup churches.
Whitney Westgate’s Vagina Is Neither Too Big Nor Too Small
It has been said—perhaps by M. Scott Peck or Robert Fulghum or maybe it was me—that small women make one’s dick look bigger. But it is the right woman that makes one’s dick look HUGE.
Greetings from California: “Mother & Daughter Cocksucking Contest 2”
When she says “Fuck your dad,” you see, she does not actually mean “fuck your dad.”
There is nothing that could possibly look better on this chair than Chanel Preston
You feel, irrationally, that having this chair in your house means someone in another country needed to have died.
“Mike’s Apartment” is like “Hostel” but with more nudity and less murder
When we talk about High Concept Porn, we’re not talking about Milves or Women with Large Breasts. The “Mike’s Apartment” series satisfies our need for a reason for porn to be happening beyond the mere presence of knockers. Sort of.
“Bra Busters” And the Rest of My Life
What if “Bra Busters” had been the first porn movie I ever saw? I’m glad it wasn’t, because I had a lot of stuff to do.
Jesse Jane And the American Dream of Home Ownership
Digital Playground puts out all these think-pieces, and sometimes I get confused about whether the work is metaphorical or if it really is just about fucking. You decide.
Are You “Hooker Experience”d?
“John” (GET IT??) gets up to similar shenanigans with each of his hookers, and they all share a matter-of-fact (but again, not unfriendly) rapport that never shies away from the fact that the women are purchased objects for that hour.
You, Me, And An Idyllic Lakeboat: Just Because It’s Arbitrary Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Love You
This movie offended my delicate sensibilities because there is no way to judge the best bodies in porn unless you fuck all of them several times over a 20-year-period and submit your findings to the National Institutes of Health. And who has time?
From the Grave, Hollie Stevens Demands You Watch “Clown Porn” Drunk
Hollie Stevens, who died a year ago this month, posthumously endorses the outsider “Clown Porn.”
Working on the Night Moves with Bailey Blue
Bailey Blue looks like the type of woman Bob Seger would write a song about.
Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Say “Mama’s Got Big Boobs”
Somewhere between Ingenue and Cougarhood, a decision is made to put all that shit In Your Face.
The California Institute of “The Art of Masturbation”
I suppose watching women masturbate on a DVD is less creepy than watching it in person.
Rape Is An Elective at the “Obedience School”
“…After they raped her, they probably went home and torrented all the DVDs.”
“TriSexual Asylum”: I Do Not Think That They Will Sing To Me
Like you, I associate asylums with “Jacob’s Ladder,” Nurse Ratched, and T.S. Eliot’s wife, but in “Trisexual Asylum 4,” it looks like these people commit themselves willingly.
When Milves Neglect Their Children for Barbecues
Though she is a MILF, supposedly, no one says, “Where’s your damn kids?” Regardless, she blows a guy by the pool.
Immigrant Song: Janelle James in “Fresh Off the Boat”
…each year I age, the creepier I feel watching transactions like these
Gestation Is the New MILF: “Pregger Coeds”
Does fetish porn begin at conception?
Why Natasha Malkova Can’t Read
Natasha Malkova is not Mia Malkova. Nor is she Jade Couture. While we’re at it, she’s probably not graduating, either.