We don’t need another “Justice League of Pornstar Heroes”
“Justice League of Pornstar Heroes” is not a bad movie; it just doesn’t do “justice” to its budget.
Tommy Gunn
Neither Jethro Tull nor 38 Special expected this “Teacher” (but maybe The Police did)
I totally want to teach at a community college now.
Inari Vachs: The “Harder” They Fall (“They” meaning “Loads”)
“Vanilla Sky” meets “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” in the vagina of Inari Vachs
“Top Guns”: Finally a heteroerotic movie about planes
Jesse Jane, Riley Steele, Kayden Kross, and Stoya all look so good in those flight suits that they would turn Kelly McGillis into a lesbian.
A BJ for Effort: Fellatio makes the heart grow fonder
If you present a persona that he wants to dive into like a heated swimming pool, Miss X, he will come in your mouth with very little effort on your part.
“Big Butt Cowgirl Pinups”: The Horses Wonder Who You Are
Megan Foxx reminds me of Sherilynn Fenn as Curley’s wife in “Of Mice And Men.” If I were a retarded Lenny, I would gladly asphyxiate a puppy for her.
Fleshbot to drop loads of appreciation on male performers
Fleshbot will be delivering cards to dozens of male performers who would otherwise only be receiving listless blowjobs from blackjack dealers at the Flamingo.
“Malice in La La Land”: A Long Day’s Journey Down the Rabbit Hole
“Malice” might well be Sasha Grey’s last big feature for a while, now that she’s all famous and stuff, so, if not for the chance to see a dwarf or actual nipples (courtesy of Jesse Capelli and Mackenzee Pierce) in Jumbo’s Clown Room, see it for Sasha.
“Here Cums the President”: POTUS Interruptus*
This movie suggests that presidents George Washington, Franklin Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, Lyndon B. Johnson, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton were unfaithful to their wives.
Your Porn Valley HIV Digest
“Make new people have to get tested once a month for three months before they get in,” says Tommy Gunn. “Quarantine the rest of California. I haven’t had civilian sex in years.”
“Sex Crimes” deserves a promotion
The real sex crime, of course, is how Vivid continues to hound poor trainwreck Nadya Suleman, but this excellent police porn involving the murder of Mr. Pete shows how good—and inexpensive— original porn can still be.
Blue Movie: 3D “Avatar XXX” fights piracy while mixing species
The Na’bi discover the humans’ treachery and overthrow them, a storyline representative of Hustler’s longstanding support of indigenous cultures. But how come everything wasn’t blue?
Sex on a Plane: “Passenger 69”
The number 69 should be retired if pornographers are going to continue misusing it. I felt the same way when a certain position was not displayed in “This Ain’t The Mission XXX.”
OSHA: Spanking Kayden Kross improves workplace morale
Today’s porn fans will put up with a lot for their three minutes of satisfaction 40 times a day: but never try to tell them that it’s easy to get a job.
“Listen up, Douche-ass”: Rating the “Jersey Shore” porn parodies
“I’m gonna put my fuckin’ babies in your troat.”
Sound-down PornTM: Toil, trouble, and teeth in “American Made”
As America’s Beloved Porn Journalist, I am delighted to tell you that most porn stars are much cooler in person than they seem in their movies, where they can often appear retarded.
“Rawhide II: Dirty Deeds” – Hey lady, that’s not ranch dressing!
One of the many testaments to the thoughtful direction and restraint of “Rawhide II” is that it wasn’t named “Boner-anza.”
Cummin At You 3D
Studio: Tommy Gunn EntertainmentDirector: Tommy GunnCast: Tommy Gunn, Sindee Jennings, Riley Evans, Tony DeSergio Porn can be so basic that when someone gets it wrong […]
The 8th Day
How bad can the end of the world be if it’s got Kayden Kross in it?
Sindee Jennings: Baby wipes for that extra dimension
Now that my Inbox tells me that Penis Lengthening is a reality and that Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation is now part of the physical education curriculum […]