Apple to leave MacWorld for Adult Entertainment Expo

Tech watchers are up in arms about Apple’s announcement that this January’s MacWorld Expo will be its last and that founder Steve Jobs will not deliver his annual keynote speech.

The Cupertino computer giant’s December 16 statement has reignited concern over Jobs’ health as well as speculation about where Apple will make its presence felt in January, 2010.

Now the rumor magnet hardware/software firm could not be more blatant. Don’t speculate, it says: copulate.

Jobs announced that Apple will purchase prime space once occupied by porn purveyors Hustler, Vivid, and Wicked at the 2010 Adult Entertainment Expo, an annual gathering of porn fans and the businesses that cater to them.

“Porn performers’ preference for Apple products and their tendency to not second-guess every goddamn thing I say and blog about it really made up my mind for me,” said Jobs, flanked by ubiquitous porn personalities Dave Navarro, James Bartholet, Bill Margold, and Shy Love at a press conference held in Chatsworth’s Lamplighter Restaurant. “Their predilection for becoming addicted to expensive status objects also fits right in to our marketing strategy.

“Plus,” he said, “I’m fairly certain that women with iPhones swallow.”

Apple’s surprise announcement came as a sorely-needed boost to the Adult Entertainment Expo, which is hosting fewer porn studio booths this January and more non-adult or quasi-adult exhibitors, such as at least eight 400-threadcount sheet vendors.

Many adult studios have drastically reduced their footprint on the show floor, plan to host visitors in their hotel rooms instead, or aren’t showing up at all.

Some porn industry insiders said that the combination of financial difficulties at the Sands Expo Center and studios’ diminishing interest over the past several years would have resulted in the AEE’s disappearance from Las Vegas after 2009, had Apple not stepped in.

And Apple’s announcement comes as a narrative reacharound for Las Vegas’ “other” January trade show.

“We haven’t attracted computer geeks since we had to split off from CES (the concurrent Consumer Electronics Show) in 1999,” said AVN President Paul Fishbein. “Instead, we diversified into guys in wheelchairs and a traveling pack of dudes with oxygen machines. Also the morbidly obese.”

26th annual AVN Awards co-host Belladonna noted that she could fit a 12″ MacBook Pro into her ass.

“Or three Mac Airs,” she said, “and frankly, that’s where those things belong.”

Hot on the heels of Apple’s announcement, AVN said that the venerable porn trade publisher, which has divested itself of ownership of the AEE and its eponymous awards show, would leave the AEE and instead exhibit at February’s XBiz Forum.

“Just don’t tell Margold where we went,” a spokesperson said.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Jenny Hendrix keeps in touch; Jennas Jameson marries iPhone
See also: Adult Entertainment Expo, Apple

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