Porn Valley Observed with Gram Ponante

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Miley Cyrus at the VMAs: A Pornographer’s Perspective

This did not strike me as a Fun Girl Having A Good Time. Instead it looked like the drunk girl at a party, the one who manages to turn off even the least-laid person there.

August 27, 2013 in commentary, pop, Slider, the horror, video.

Someone Needs To Create An Ass Boil Acceptance And Empowerment Awards, Stat

That’s right.

August 5, 2013 in new porn daily, Slider, the horror.

Your Parents Are Throwing Their Goddamn Money Away: “Dare Dorm”

These college students don’t even pretend to ever have studied.

August 2, 2013 in gallery, new porn daily, reviews, Slider, the horror.

Her Name Is Jaslene, And I Am Poor Old Johnny Ray

Perhaps Dexy’s Midnight Runners will be comforted that someone thought of them IMMEDIATELY upon watching a popshot descend on the bejeweled stomach of Jaslene Jade. Probably not.

August 2, 2013 in commentary, gallery, geekery, new porn daily, pop, reviews, Slider, the horror, video.

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Say “Mama’s Got Big Boobs”

Somewhere between Ingenue and Cougarhood, a decision is made to put all that shit In Your Face.

July 24, 2013 in gallery, new porn daily, reviews, Slider, the horror.

“TriSexual Asylum”: I Do Not Think That They Will Sing To Me

Like you, I associate asylums with “Jacob’s Ladder,” Nurse Ratched, and T.S. Eliot’s wife, but in “Trisexual Asylum 4,” it looks like these people commit themselves willingly.

July 23, 2013 in new porn daily, reviews, Slider, the horror.

It’s not July without a Wonderland Murders commemoration

The Wonderland Murders made John Holmes’ petty thievery on-set look quaint by comparison

July 7, 2013 in classic, events, legal, Slider, the horror.

Condom debate offers another chance to explain porn personnel to us

In not describing the physical attributes or motivations of the players on the other side, Weis—and I’ll throw a lasso around the rest of the mainstream media here, too—implicitly sets up an Us v. Them scenario.

May 14, 2013 in commentary, legal, Slider, the horror.

[PR] Farrah Abraham Hoping She Won’t Remind You of A White Montana Fishburne

“Farrah’s looks remind me of a young Kim Kardashian,” says Hirsch, and we all know how her story turned out.”

May 2, 2013 in PR, Slider, the horror, Today in Porn Valley.

Der Verspanken: Sie brauchen nicht eine Beziehung mit einer Frau zu bilden

Der VerSpanken: Any marital aid that has a German name is all right by me, because I’m racist that way, and I know the Germans mean business.

April 22, 2013 in marital aids, reviews, Slider, technology, the horror.

“Skin Diamond is not a cunt”—An AEE fan’s perspective

Perhaps if he lives in the Lincoln Tunnel, he is technically from Manhattan, but his shirt, unbuttoned to a sunburned gut, suggests Hoboken.

January 30, 2013 in events, Gram Is There, Slider, the horror.

Satine Phoenix sends a birthday message to an abusing father

Satine Phoenix’s story should be shocking to porn fans, too.

November 14, 2012 in interviews, legal, Slider, the horror, Today in Porn Valley.

No on B: But Not Because Porn Valley Doesn’t Need Fixing

I think the adult industry needs fixing, but Measure B won’t do it.

November 5, 2012 in Gram Is There, health, legal, Slider, the horror, Today in Porn Valley.

In this cloud I see a cock pig

I thought that a pair of hanging testicles were instead a couple of extra flappy, duggy breasts on a woman with a really tight stomach.

October 22, 2012 in Slider, the horror, Today in Porn Valley.

[PR] “Isis Rising: Curse of the Lady Mummy” Set To Be Greatest Film of All Time

“This marks the first in a planned franchise for the scantily clad supernatural hellraiser played by the undeniably beautiful Indian-born Adult Film Star, Priya Rai, “

September 29, 2012 in PR, the horror.

Hack work, hoaxes, and “The Innocence of Muslims” porn connection

While Roberts has (apparently) not had involvement in the porn industry since his softcore work in the 1980s, media outlets still emphasize his porn resume rather than his more recent non-porn B-movie gigs.

September 17, 2012 in Slider, the horror, Today in Porn Valley.

Porn world shelves “This Ain’t The Innocence of Muslims XXX”

“We had already been fielding media requests asking if the movie had been produced by pornographers,” bristles Loup Perch-Tounge of the Porn Valley Chamber of Commerce, “but we assured them our production value is much higher, especially with the 2008 collapse of altporn.”

September 13, 2012 in Slider, the horror.

How Fleshlight protects your feelings, and my journey as America’s Greatest Sex Toy Reviewer

Unless the toy is for a part of your person you just can’t get at, like the prostate, or in the case that one has tiny Tyrannosaurus hands, most male-oriented sex toys just add complexity. What type of person wants to add complexity?

August 29, 2012 in commentary, Gram Is There, marital aids, Slider, the horror.

Vivid pursues Chinese wife-swappers

AVN, an adult trade publication, was quick to call the yet-to-be-made movie “Ultimately Strokable.”

August 17, 2012 in geekery, Slider, the horror, world.

Alliteration Alert: “Teeny Tiny Thai Twigs 2”

Would you go to a summer barbecue with a porn movie and hand it to the host, saying, “Hey, this was pretty good; you should watch it”?

July 29, 2012 in Slider, the horror.

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