In person porn sightings
Ava Rose: Last, butt not greased
A while ago I attended the filming of a movie called (at least it was that day) Big Butt Oil Orgy….
Gram Is There
Scarlett Fay’s extensions and, by extension, our own
There are a few industries, and the adult entertainment business is one of them, in which there is an institutional assumption of stupidity. That can […]
Anus in Wonderland or: Aiden Starr is Furmented
That one of Aiden Starr’s former porn names is Lolita (for obvious reasons) and because Lewis Carroll just loved kids, it is wholly appropriate that […]
Happy Easter or: Don’t cross Mika Tan
Mika Tan and director Ernest Greene take a break from the filming of The Perfect Secretary 2: Training Day. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Sophia […]
This Brothel Life: Booty is only part of it
I’ve been to a few brothels in my callow youth and I have never, ever seen one that looks like the kind that are depicted […]
Eating out your way across Porn Valley
Porn Valley is a cornucopia of tastes and smells, almost all water-based and pthalate-free. But what does the America’s Beloved Porn Journalist on a Budget […]
AVN 2009 in pictures
As I look closer at what I once thought were Tera Patrick’s mesmerizing breasts, I notice that constant companion Evan Seinfeld has actually replicated himself inside her shirt.
Casey Parker stands out from the crowd
At one point during Saturday’s AVN Awards red carpet I became possessed of the urge to wander. The spot I had been allocated was too […]
United Colors of Jenny Hendrix
Hendrix’ long-awaited/feared new boobs were fantastic, but I could not properly grasp them because my retinas had burst into flame.
Flavor of Leach or: 90120 Is A Joke or: Yo! Bum Rush the Rich And Famous
To see Public Enemy’s Flavor Flav cozying up to Robin “Lifestyles of the Rich And Famous” Leach on the AVN Awards red carpet is to […]
My Vivid Girl gaffe
I never mistook Nautica Thorn for Mika Tan. I never confused Bree Olson with Ashlynn Brooke. I know the difference between a cabbage and a […]
Gram’s Christmas Miracle
“You could say this splurge is a result of a negro’s splooge,” I said to the Zacatecan migrant worker who lashed the 12-ft. spruce to my Hummer 3. He smiled mysteriously.
The Pain of The Price of Pleasure or: Why you should consider an Aggie college
So here you are reading a porn site and, even though you have intellectually accepted Porn’s right to exist and you know that intelligent people […]
Palin in comparison: Raquel Devine ups the ante in “Rode to the White House”
Raquel Devine, 41, plays Sarah Palin in a script that features some of the same tropes as Hustler’s but benefits from Devine’s extraordinary improvisational skills as well as Steve Driver’s spot-on, reserved, head-forward impersonation of Obama.
All we want is what’s beyond Roller Dollz
In April of this year I traveled to a place called Glendale on the very edge of Los Angeles, just past Thunderdome on the way […]
Nailin’ Paylin for America
If Barack Obama had hot daughters of legal age and if Michelle Obama were thicker, would Hustler be speed-releasing a movie called “Baby Got Barack”? […]
Pirates II premiere: Expensive Joonetang!
Tonight was the long awaited premiere of Digital Playground’s Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge. I have been told (and I believe) that this movie is the […]
“Roller Dollz” cop a wheel
With plenty of outside shots of millennial Malibu and the joy of watching eight girls in a rollergangbang on a Glendale parquet floor, RollerDollz will drain your ball bearings.
And on the 8th Day, God blew up Boston
BELLFLOWER, Calif. (GP:PVO) — It was all supposed to go so well. Dr. Alexander’s Zero Point Energy Generator was designed to rid the world of […]
Moxie-ridden devil Roxy makes Teagan, dandling Randall, her collie
(I am holding hostage a poetess from a local residency program from whom I’m demanding subject headings in exchange for creampies.) Holly Randall is one […]