“The Smurfs XXX” is a backstage look at the porn world through the filter of children’s programming.

In the depths of the Great Depression, only the antics of Slurpy Throatsluts and his gang of lovable vagabonds kept the nation’s minds of its troubles. Mister, we could use some Slurpy Throatsluts again.

It’s like the slave market in “Roots,” except they’re white Europeans and it’s an anus.

Charlotte Gainesbourg in “AntiChrist,” Beatrice Dalle in “Betty Blue”; It is hard to resist French women when they have their minds set on something. But will the lovely Angell Summers use her Gallic wiles for good, evil, or Crazy?

“These rings mean that, when I say sorry, I can put my wang back in your beav,” says Peter to Lois, and it’s true.

I may be wrong, but I think women like Angelina Jolie much more than men do; she is devastatingly attractive in that way women like but that men quickly tire of, since there’s no payoff. With Chanel Preston, there is only payoff.

An Interview with Maria Beatty about irrigating the saguaros

Are you saying I need to come to my own conclusions but that—perhaps—people shouldn’t be so goddamned outraged over everything? That one way of taking power away from detractors is to use their own tools against ourselves and, emerging unscathed, win?

“It was a different time,” says Jamie Gillis.

“…I felt that the characters’ quest to find gloryholes within the co-opted Aperture Corporation spoke to the struggle our community faces in bringing differing gender roles, body types, and sexual orientations to the screen.”

Any poor shmoe can tell you that there is nothing more lonely than being loved “like a friend.” Follow hapless Anthony Rosano as he tries to break free of “The Friend Zone” in this excellent couples’ film from New Sensations.

“But we so wanted to see Tara Lynn Foxx as Jenny in the ‘Singled Out’ parody,” a spokesperson for the McCarthy family did not say.

“I doubt everyone,” says trophy wife/drug moll Stormy. It’s because she hasn’t yet learned to love herself.

Nyomi Banxxx acts up a storm as a corrupt cop in “Training Day XXX,” but Tommy Gunn is about to learn the hard way not to brown-nose.

When you see Julia Ann’s lush (but headless) frame on the cover of “jessica drake’s Guide to Female Masturbation,” it won’t be female masturbation you’re thinking about. I mean Damn. If she looks this good with half a head, think about how she’ll look with the whole thing.

Producers missed out when not including any footage from “Wired Pussy”

Perhaps the indifferent gods stood by while the Persians killed their husbands, but at least “The Four” still have their nipples.

I’d smoke PCP at gunpoint with all these women

Chanel Preston fulfills the promise made by Olivia Hussey (and ignored by Clare Danes) in Lee Roy Myers’ couples’-friendly “Romeo & Juliet.” Studio: DreamZone Director: Lee Roy Myers Starring: Rocco Reed, Chanel Preston, Andy San Dimas, Anthony Rosano, Ann Marie Rios, Brian Street Team, India Summer, Tom Byron You can rest assured that Lee Roy [...]

I have seen Hustler’s “Busty Beauties: Top Shelf Titties” and I think it’s a winner, but Damn: If I didn’t get it for free, the whole Student Loan infrastructure would turn over in its grave if I shelled out cash for pornography with a spelling error on it.